Lullaby
by DangerousDiamondDarling
Summary: His Mom used to sing him a lullaby. John, Mary, Dean and Sam one shot on the fire. Wee!chester and season one. Spoiler only for pilot and season one ep Home, Dean POV. I was bored, angst ensued. Please Read and Review, if only to see what lullaby I use.


**_Lullaby._**

His Mom used to sing him a lullaby every night when he was little; she used to sing it to Sammy too. He remembers the sweet honey tones she used to sing in, the way her beautiful golden hair framed her face like a halo, shimmering with light and life, the way she used to smile when she sang, like them and that moment was all that mattered in the world and it was amazing and she loved every second of it. Forget lighting a room, her smile could light up a universe and she was his Mommy and he loved her.

_**Hush little baby, don't you cry.  
Mama's gonna sing you a lullaby**_

It burned. Everything was burning; flames were licking up the walls on all sides, consuming the darkness he feared with even worse blinding light that absolutely terrified him. He wanted his Mommy and he wanted his Daddy and he wanted this to be a nightmare, but it wasn't, he could tell by the smoke that was trying to choke him and the fire that was everywhere, that was burning everything. He wanted his Mommy to come out and tell him it was okay and that he was dreaming, he wanted to forget everything he just saw in Sammy's nursery, and most of all he didn't want to have the screaming bundle of his baby brother in his arms, needing comforting, needing protecting when that's really what he needed just as much as the tiny infant.

_**Hush, little baby, don't say a word.  
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird**_

He remembers the feeling of her hair brushing his face as she kissed his forehead and said goodnight for the last time. He remembers the dazzling smile she flashed him at the doorway as she left his sight for the last time. He remembers waking up from the cold in his bedroom, his windows frosted over. He remembers how quiet it was, how eerily silent. He remembers her shout, the sound of her hurried footsteps thumping softly on the carpet of their hallway. He remembers the second sudden silence, this one a lot more ominous and chilling, and he remembers his father's shouts that broke into the second silence. He remembers how he opened his door, only a crack at first then all the way, he remembers watching the third silence, the one where his father assured himself of his baby's safety and then looked for his wife. He remembers the bloodcurdling shout of when his father finally found her. He remembers the thing he wishes he didn't remember the most, the sight he would give anything to forget, he remembers looking up.

_**And if that mockingbird won't sing,  
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring**_

Sammy was screaming and he could barely see where he was going. Daddy had handed him Sammy and told him to run, to get out, he really wished Mommy and Daddy would come out and help him, Sammy was heavy in his little arms and he was finding it hard to breathe with all this smoke. He wanted to leave but suddenly he didn't remember where to go, everything looked the same, everything was burning and in the bright fiery light he couldn't see where to go. Big, fat tears were rolling down Sammy's chubby little red cheeks and he was close to tears himself because he couldn't see a way out. Then suddenly there it was, a cold wind guiding him to the door, the door that was now open to the cool, clear night. He only saw a flicker of the yellow eyes as he passed the open door out into the waiting darkness with Sammy held tightly in his arms, he couldn't even be sure he had seen them since everything in their house was now yellow, orange and red. All he knew as he left their burning home and felt the dew covered grass beneath his toes was that outside was safe, couldn't burn, and him and Sammy were safe for now.

_**And if that diamond ring turns brass,  
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass**_

He remembers the way she looked that night, he remembers the way her hair fell around her face like an angel's halo except it hung lifeless and dull around her face like a doll's hair. He remembers the look of shock and fear on her face, like she couldn't believe that this had been her end, like she could have never been the happy woman who flashed him a dazzling smile from his doorway every night before he went to sleep. He remembers the long and thick red line of blood across her stomach that dripped small red drops of blood onto Sammy's crib and forehead. He remembers her eyes, her cold empty eyes that stared lifeless down at them all. And he remembers the fire that exploded out from nowhere and enveloped his mother's body within seconds. He remembers the last time he saw his Mom.

_**And if that looking glass gets broke,  
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat**_

She looked cold up there, on the ceiling, all alone and cold and wet from the red dripping down from her stomach. Her eyes looked cold, unseeing, and glazed over, all misty and cloudy and it scared him. Daddy looked scared too and he was yelling, shouting for Mommy, but that scared him just as much as looking up at Mommy. Daddy was screaming for Mommy, 'Mary! MARY!' and he thought he might be going to cry now, because now there was fire. Daddy screamed, and he yelled, and Sammy screeched as fire burst out from around Mommy and everything burned. And now the fire was everywhere and everything was red hot and Sammy was screaming and Daddy was shouting and suddenly Daddy was thrusting Sammy into his arms telling him to run, leave, 'Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now Dean! Go!' And he took the screaming bundle that was his baby brother Sammy and ran, because everything was burning but him and Sammy wouldn't.

_**And if that billy goat won't pull,  
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull**_

Everything was burning. Fire was everywhere. Everything he once knew was being reduced to ashes. Flames flickering throughout the whole house bringing destruction with them. Everything burned, their lives burnt to the ground and all that was left was John, Dean and Sam and not one of them were ever the same after that day. John was once kind, he once knew how to treat his sons, his boys, with love and care and not harsh training designed to turn them into soldiers. Dean once knew how to be a kid, how to be creative and happy, and young and loud, not any more, now he only knew how to be silent for days on end, how to be strong and grown up far beyond his years, now he only knew how to be a silent protector, how to crush his own pain out for the sake of others. Sammy used to have two loving parents, a mother and a father who knew how to love and take care of him and who knew how to save him from any discomfit or problem his tiny little baby mind or body could have, never again.

Everything was burning. Fire was everywhere. Everything Sam now called home was being reduced to ashes. Flames flickering throughout the whole house bringing destruction with them. Everything burned, Sam's new life burnt to the ground and all that was left was Sam and Dean, and Sam would never be the same after that day, but Dean would. Because Sam finally knew the pain he didn't remember the first time, Sam no longer knew the happiness of love but the pain of loss, of flames, of burning and now he was truly part of his family and knew their pain as his own. But for Dean this was a repeat show and he already knew how it ended… with death, pain and destruction… and with Dean taking Sammy from a burning home once again, his only instincts survival. Leaving the burning behind and burying the pain in mind. Surviving the flames, the fire, and the burning.

_**And if that cart and bull turn over,  
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover**_.

He couldn't believe it, but it was true. He was standing in a rebuilt version of his childhood home, their home, their no longer burning flame of memory home, with Sammy, full grown Sammy. This was just too much. And this woman, this blonde haired woman and her daughter and her little baby boy, the unknowing unconcerned toddler jumping up and down in his playpen unawares of the danger, of what his life could be if they didn't do something about it. And he made a silent promise, the second silent promise he had made on this property, to a toddler jumping about in a playpen and shouting 'juice', a promise that he would never have his life ripped away from him like they had, that nothing was going to take another life in this house again, that his sister would never know what it was like to suddenly become a parent before she even knew how, that Jenny wouldn't lose her children, that there wasn't going to be another fire in this house again, that these people wouldn't suffer like they did and that this time if that bastard did show his godforsaken face he wasn't gonna win, they wouldn't, couldn't burn again.

_**And if that dog named Rover won't bark,  
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.**_

He stood on the cool, wet grass outside their house and watched it burn with morbid fascination. Sammy wasn't screaming anymore, although he still let out the odd wail and tear or two every couple of seconds, his little brown eyes wide and searching as he looked from Dean to their burning home to Dean again. He finally tore his eyes away from the fiery house to look at his baby brother as the tiny child let out a terrible cry of anguish at the fact that it's mother wasn't there to comfort it, then, staring down at him wiped a tiny spot of red off the little baby's forehead with his thumb. "Shh, Sammy, it's okay." He whispered in a hoarse tone, which was the only kind his lungs and throat would allow after the abuse they suffered at the hands of the smoke clouding the house. He looked back at his burning home briefly and staring into it's fiery depths finally accepted what he had seen inside that night as real, he adopted a gentle tone one might use on a bereaved person as he informed the small, no longer squirming, baby, "Mommy's not coming back." And as it was these were the last words he spoke for four months after his mother's death. In that moment, as their 'normal' life lay burning, he made a silent vow to his trembling sibling, _Its okay, Sammy, I got you. I'll take care of you, I promise_.A couple of seconds later Daddy came running out of their burning home and out into the cool night, grabbing his sons in his arms as an explosion rang out in the air from their flaming home. And the three Winchesters held on tightly to each other, to all they had left in the world as the fire burned until the fire trucks and men drowned the flames until the fire died but the burning lived on in their memories until the end of their days.

_**And if that horse and cart fall down,  
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.**_

It's Lawrence, Kansas, outside a gas station and they're trying to figure out what's inside their old house and Sammy for the first time in so many years Dean doesn't think he actually remembers the last time asks about the fire.

"Yeah, but how much _do_ we know? I mean, how much do you actually remember?"

And for the first time since Sammy started asking Dean has an answer.

"About that night, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Not much. I remember the fire…the heat." He closes his eyes for a fraction of a second and remembers it all, vividly and painfully, "And then I carried you out the front door."

"You did?" Sammy is surprised and for some reason it mildly surprises him that he didn't remember what he hadn't told Sammy over the years.

"Yeah, what, you never knew that?" _I never told you that._

Sammy shakes his head, "No."

"Huh." Is the only sound he makes before moving on with the conversation, because he remembers the lullaby their mother used to sing to them before they went to sleep and he remembers the promise he made when he knew she was never coming back. The promise he made because there were no angels that could protect them, no father that could _always_ keep them safe and do what was best for them, there were no whispered words of comfort that could save them from the truth, the horrible reality of it all. But there was them, brothers, and a silent promise, vow, that they would be okay, survive, because he could never make the world better for his little brother, could never give him a loving mother or a concern father or a home, could never protect him from every thing, but he could easy the pain and make a silent promise to always, _always_, be there.

_**Goodnight Sweetie, I love you.**_

_**And remember, Angels are watching over us.**_


End file.
